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Leading with Care

Leading with Care Facilitator Guide

Six live virtual sessions that extend the Leading with Care course through discussion, scenario practice, reflection, and application.

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Live Session 2 · 90 minutes · Virtual

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Understanding Trauma-Informed Practice

What can I do to make the next few minutes more manageable while staying within my role?

Session Overview

Module(s) covered

  • Understanding Trauma-Informed Practice (Lesson 3)

Toolkit resources used

  • Safety and Support Response Map: Start With What Happened → Check Immediate Safety → Offer a Meaningful Choice → Keep the Boundary Clear → Choose Supportive Language → Decide Whether More Support Is Needed
  • Pause & Check: Responding Without Needing the Story

Session purpose

Give learners practice responding when someone appears stressed, withdrawn, defensive, overwhelmed, or emotionally intense—without diagnosing the person or requiring an explanation. The session focuses on one practical question: What can I do to make the next few minutes more manageable while staying within my role?

Learning objectives

By the end of this session, participants will be able to:

  • 1.Describe behavior without diagnosing or assigning a cause.
  • 2.Identify immediate supports that reduce unnecessary pressure.
  • 3.Offer meaningful choices without hiding or removing necessary expectations.
  • 4.Use calm, dignity-protecting language during a difficult moment.
  • 5.Maintain appropriate boundaries while offering support.
  • 6.Recognize when a situation is within their leadership role and when established support or escalation processes are required.
  • 7.Use the Safety and Support Response Map to plan a response.

Key course concepts

Describe behavior; do not diagnose

Recognize that stress may influence behavior, but do not decide what caused it or label the person.

The immediate goal is manageable, not perfect

A leader does not need to solve the entire situation. Reduce unnecessary pressure and identify the next useful step.

Choice must be meaningful

A useful choice is real, can actually be honored, and does not hide or remove a necessary expectation.

Care and accountability can exist together

If harmful behavior is occurring, address the boundary first. Support and inquiry can follow once safety is restored.

Know the limits of the role

Leaders can listen, orient, offer reasonable choices, protect privacy, maintain boundaries, and connect people with appropriate support. They do not diagnose, provide therapy, promise secrecy, or manage serious safety concerns alone.

Before the Session

Learner pre-work

  • Complete Understanding Trauma-Informed Practice (Lesson 3).
  • Complete the Safety and Support Response Map in the Digital Binder.
  • Write one short phrase you could use during a difficult moment (Lesson 3 → Language I Can Use Under Pressure).
  • Complete the Pause & Check reflection: Responding Without Needing the Story.

What learners were asked to bring

  • The completed Safety and Support Response Map.
  • One short phrase drafted for use during a difficult moment.
  • One de-identified scenario and the short response they drafted (Lesson 3 ‘Bring to Next Class’)—without the person’s identity, personal or confidential information, the private reflection, or any suspected trauma history.

Facilitator preparation

  • Prepare 3–4 observation statements for the opening activity.
  • Prepare the Make the Next Few Minutes Manageable scenario (Jordan).
  • Prepare the Choice or Disguised Demand? examples.
  • Prepare three short triad role-play cards (A Withdrawal, B Rising Intensity, C Public Pressure).
  • Prepare the Within My Role / Additional Support or Program Process / Immediate Safety or Required Escalation sort (Zoom poll or annotation slide).
  • Set up Zoom breakout rooms for small groups (3–4) and triads.
  • Remind yourself that escalation processes vary by learners’ settings: the goal is for each learner to know their own process, not to learn a single procedure.
  • Have the Digital Binder link ready and remind learners to use the same device/browser where their work is saved.

Materials / technology

Breakout room setup (virtual)

  • Make the Next Few Minutes Manageable: groups of 3–4, 12 minutes.
  • Practice the Response: triads (Leader / Participant / Observer), two rounds—a role-play card, then a learner’s own scenario.
  • Paste instructions into chat before opening rooms and broadcast a 2-minute warning.

90-Minute Run of Show

TimeActivityPurposeMethodFacilitator notes
0–88 minReconnect: What Stayed With You? ↓Activate key learning without reteaching.Respond verbally, in chat, or privately; bridge to the session question.Offering three response routes models the session’s focus on meaningful choice.
8–2012 minWhat Do You Actually Know? ↓Practice observation without diagnosis.Display one interpretation at a time; learners identify the observable part and what the observer added.Four statements; reveal the observable rewrite after discussion.
20–3818 minMake the Next Few Minutes Manageable ↓Apply the Safety and Support Response Map.Small groups (3–4) work the Jordan scenario through the map; whole-group debrief.12 minutes in rooms, 6 minutes debrief.
38–4810 minChoice or Disguised Demand? ↓Distinguish meaningful choice from pressure.Display each statement; learners vote in a poll or chat, then discuss.Meaningful choice is not unlimited choice.
48–524 minBreakModel pacing and predictability.Short break with a visible timer.Name when you’ll restart and what comes next.
52–7220 minPractice the Response ↓Role-play language, boundaries, and support.Triads (Leader / Participant / Observer): round 1 with a role-play card; round 2 with a learner’s own de-identified scenario; whole-group debrief.Two 7-minute rounds in rooms, 6 minutes debrief. Participants read the line and respond naturally—no simulated extreme distress or personal disclosure.
72–8210 minWhere Does My Role End? ↓Practice role boundaries and escalation.Sort each situation into Within My Role / Additional Support or Program Process / Immediate Safety or Required Escalation (poll or annotation).Processes vary by where learners work or volunteer; the aim is for each learner to identify the process in their own setting.
82–875 minDigital Binder: Strengthen Your Response ↓Strengthen practical language.Learners privately revise their Safety and Support Response Map and record one phrase.Learners do not need to show their binder to anyone.
87–903 minClose + Prepare for Session 3Consolidate and bridge forward.Closing reflection; preview Session 3.Remind learners to download a binder backup.

Facilitation Guide

A guide for each major activity. Suggested language is a starting point—adapt it to your voice and your group.

0–8 min

Reconnect: What Stayed With You?

Main roomChatIndividual

Purpose

Activate learning from the module and set up the guiding question for the session.

Set-up

  • Display the reconnect question and the bridge question on a slide.

Facilitator language

“You can answer out loud, in chat, or just privately for yourself—any of those works.”

“Today’s question: What can I do in this moment to reduce unnecessary pressure, support dignity and choice, and keep expectations and boundaries clear?”

Instructions

  • 1.Pose the reconnect question and give 1 minute of thinking time.
  • 2.Invite responses by voice or chat; read several chat responses aloud.
  • 3.Bridge to the session question.

💬 Paste into chat / broadcast to rooms

What is one idea from the Trauma-Informed Practice module that changed or clarified how you think a leader should respond when someone appears distressed? (Answer here, out loud, or privately—your choice.)

👂 Listen for

  • Ideas about not needing to know the cause
  • Role boundaries
  • Choice and predictability

👀 Watch for

  • Learners sharing personal experiences of distress—acknowledge briefly and return to the practice focus

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Lesson Review
8–20 min

What Do You Actually Know?

Main roomChat

Purpose

Build the habit of describing behavior rather than diagnosing it.

Set-up

  • Prepare one slide per statement, with the observable rewrite hidden until revealed.

Facilitator language

“We can respond supportively without knowing the cause.”

Instructions

  • 1.Display one interpretation.
  • 2.Ask: What part can we observe? What part has been added by the observer?
  • 3.Invite learners to write an observable rewrite in chat.
  • 4.Reveal the model rewrite and compare.
  • 5.Repeat for each statement.

📋 Facilitator reference — answers, don’t paste to learners

Facilitator reference (reveal rewrites one at a time): 1. “Kai is overwhelmed and shutting down.” → Kai stopped writing, became quiet, and did not respond when invited to continue. 2. “Morgan is becoming aggressive because the feedback triggered them.” → Morgan’s voice became louder after the feedback and they began speaking over the facilitator. 3. “Sam does not feel safe enough to participate.” → Sam has not spoken during the discussion and declined when invited to share. 4. “Taylor is people-pleasing because they are anxious.” → Taylor agreed quickly with each suggestion and repeatedly said, “Whatever you think is best.”

Debrief questions

  • Why does the wording matter?
  • What could go wrong if we respond to our diagnosis instead of the behavior we can actually see?

👂 Listen for

  • Removing words like “overwhelmed,” “triggered,” “doesn’t feel safe,” “anxious”
  • Concrete, observable actions and quotes

👀 Watch for

  • Rewrites that swap one label for another
  • Using fight/flight/freeze/fawn terms as labels for a person

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Lesson Review: Recognize Possible Stress Responses Without Assigning a Cause
20–38 min

Make the Next Few Minutes Manageable

BreakoutMain room

Purpose

Use the Safety and Support Response Map to plan a response that lowers unnecessary pressure without removing the purpose of the activity.

Set-up

  • Groups of 3–4.
  • Ask learners to have their Safety and Support Response Map open.
  • Paste the scenario and questions into chat.

Facilitator language

“You don’t need to know why Jordan is responding this way. Your job is to make the next few minutes more manageable while keeping what’s required clear.”

Instructions

  • 1.Read the scenario.
  • 2.Work through the six questions using the map.
  • 3.Agree on the exact words the leader could say.
  • 4.Be ready to share what you decided was actually required.

💬 Paste into chat / broadcast to rooms

Scenario: A group is practicing short leadership conversations in pairs. The facilitator unexpectedly changes the activity and asks each table to choose someone to demonstrate in front of the full group. Jordan pushes their chair back and says, “No. I’m not doing this.” They look down, stop participating, and begin packing up. There is no indication of immediate danger. 1. What can you actually observe? 2. Is anyone in immediate danger, or is harmful behavior occurring? 3. What meaningful choice could the facilitator offer? 4. What still needs to happen or remain clear? 5. What could the facilitator actually say? 6. Can the facilitator manage this moment appropriately—and what might change that answer?

Debrief questions

  • What did you decide was actually required?
  • What meaningful choice did you offer?
  • Did anyone want to ask, “What is wrong?”
  • What information do you actually need right now?

👂 Listen for

  • The leader can change unnecessary pressure (the public demonstration) without removing the purpose of the activity (practicing the conversation)
  • Real options, such as practicing in pairs or observing first
  • Language that requires no explanation

👀 Watch for

  • Asking Jordan to explain
  • Removing the practice expectation entirely
  • Treating the moment as a crisis when there is no indication of danger

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Build Your Toolkit: Safety and Support Response Map
38–48 min

Choice or Disguised Demand?

PollMain room

Purpose

Sharpen the difference between a real choice and an option that still pressures someone—especially toward disclosure.

Set-up

  • Prepare each statement as a poll: Meaningful choice / Disguised demand / It depends.

Facilitator language

“Meaningful choice is not unlimited choice. The options must be real, honest, and free of unnecessary disclosure requirements.”

Instructions

  • 1.Display one statement and run the poll.
  • 2.Ask 1–2 learners to explain their vote.
  • 3.Share the facilitator note and move to the next statement.

📋 Facilitator reference — answers, don’t paste to learners

Facilitator reference: 1. “You can explain what’s wrong now, or we can talk privately after everyone leaves.” → Disguised demand: both options require disclosure. 2. “You can listen for now, write your response, or rejoin the discussion when you are ready.” → Potentially meaningful choice, if all options are genuinely acceptable. 3. “You can take five minutes outside, but then you have to come back and tell the group why you left.” → Disguised demand: the break is tied to compelled disclosure. 4. “The reflection does need to be completed today. You can type it into the form or write it on paper.” → Meaningful choice: the requirement is clear while the method can vary. 5. “You can participate now, or you can choose to receive a zero.” → It depends: examine the purpose and the requirement.

Debrief questions

  • What made an option a disguised demand?
  • For statement 5: What is the actual purpose of the activity? Is participating right now the requirement, or is it demonstrating the learning? Is there a legitimate method that could meet the same requirement?

👂 Listen for

  • Disclosure built into an option
  • Statement 5: if the requirement is real and no flexibility exists, say so clearly rather than framing a consequence as a choice; if the method can flex (for example, a written response by the end of the session), offer that route while keeping the expectation

👀 Watch for

  • Treating every requirement as negotiable
  • Choices offered that the leader can’t actually honor

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Lesson Review: Create Safety, Choice, and Predictability in the Moment (“Offer meaningful choices”)
52–72 min

Practice the Response

TriadsBreakoutMain room

Purpose

Rehearse calm, dignity-protecting language that lowers pressure, offers a real choice, and keeps the boundary clear.

Set-up

  • Triads with roles Leader / Participant / Observer; rotate roles each round.
  • Assign each triad a card (A, B, or C) for round 1.
  • For round 2, one learner sets up the de-identified scenario they brought and practices the response they drafted.

Facilitator language

“Participants: read the line and respond naturally. You don’t need to act out extreme distress or share anything personal.”

“Leaders: you’re not solving everything—you’re finding the next manageable step.”

Instructions

  • 1.Round 1: the Participant reads the card line; the Leader responds; the Observer gives feedback.
  • 2.Round 2: rotate roles; a learner sets up their own scenario and practices their drafted response.
  • 3.Observers use the listen-for list in chat.

💬 Paste into chat / broadcast to rooms

A — Withdrawal: A participant receives corrective feedback, closes their notebook, and says: “I’m done. Just leave me out of the next part.” Goal: lower unnecessary pressure, clarify what happens next, and offer a workable route back into participation. B — Rising Intensity: A schedule change extends the session by 30 minutes. A participant speaks loudly over others: “You can’t just change everything whenever you want. This is ridiculous.” Goal: acknowledge the concern while maintaining the boundary around respectful communication. C — Public Pressure: A participant struggles to answer. The previous facilitator has already said: “We’ve been waiting for you. Just say something so we can move on.” The participant becomes silent. Goal: reduce public pressure, restore clarity, and give a manageable next step. Observer listens for: observable language · no diagnosis · reduced unnecessary pressure · real choice · clear boundary · no required personal disclosure · a clear next step

Debrief questions

  • Which part was hardest—lowering pressure, offering choice, or keeping the boundary clear?
  • What wording felt natural enough to use in real practice?
  • How did practicing your own scenario differ from the card?

👂 Listen for

  • “You don’t need to explain right now.”
  • Acknowledging the concern before restating the boundary (B)
  • Moving the moment out of public attention (C)

👀 Watch for

  • Learners re-living difficult personal experiences—offer to switch to a card
  • Scripts that sound clinical or procedural

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Bring to Next Class: A Scenario and Your Response
  • Lesson 3 → Pause & Check: Language I Can Use Under Pressure
72–82 min

Where Does My Role End?

PollWhiteboardMain room

Purpose

Distinguish support within a leader’s role from situations that require another person, process, or escalation.

Set-up

  • Prepare the six situations as a poll or annotation slide with three columns.

Facilitator language

“Knowing your limits is part of care—not a failure of care.”

“Every setting has its own procedures and contacts. Think about the process where you lead.”

Instructions

  • 1.Present each situation and let learners sort it.
  • 2.Discuss disagreements, then share the facilitator note.
  • 3.Close by asking learners to note the process and contact they would use in their own setting.

📋 Facilitator reference — answers, don’t paste to learners

Facilitator reference: • Asks for five minutes outside before rejoining → Within role, when the setting safely allows it. • Requests an accessibility adjustment you are not authorized to approve → Use the appropriate support/accommodation process. • Becomes tearful and asks to sit quietly; no indication of danger → Within role to offer reasonable support and privacy. • Says they are in immediate danger and asks you not to tell anyone → Follow the required safety/escalation process; do not promise secrecy. • Asks whether their symptoms mean they have PTSD → Outside the role; do not diagnose. • Makes a personal threat toward another group member → Boundary and safety first, then follow the required process.

Debrief questions

  • Which situations were hardest to sort?
  • Do you know who to contact and what process to follow where you lead? If not, how will you find out?

👂 Listen for

  • Never promising secrecy
  • Safety and boundaries first when harm is occurring
  • Referral rather than diagnosis

👀 Watch for

  • Learners unsure of their own setting’s process—encourage them to find out before they need it

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Lesson Review: Within Your Role / Outside Your Role / When to Escalate
  • Lesson 3 → Safety and Support Response Map, Step 6
82–87 min

Digital Binder: Strengthen Your Response

Individual

Purpose

Capture what learners practiced so the language is available before it is needed.

Set-up

  • Ask learners to reopen their Safety and Support Response Map.

Facilitator language

“You don’t need to show this to anyone. Revise one thing based on today’s practice.”

Instructions

  • 1.Revise one part of the Safety and Support Response Map.
  • 2.Record one short phrase you want available during a difficult moment.

💬 Paste into chat / broadcast to rooms

leadingwithcare.vercel.app/sections/trauma-informed-practice/binder#l3-safety-support-map Examples: “You don’t need to explain right now. Let’s focus on what would help with the next few minutes.” “I want to hear the concern, and we need to keep this conversation respectful. We can pause or continue privately.”

👀 Watch for

  • Learners whose binder isn’t saving (red warning)—suggest a backup or note-taking alternative

📓 Digital Binder connection

  • Lesson 3 → Build Your Toolkit: Safety and Support Response Map (Step 5: What I could say)
  • Lesson 3 → Pause & Check: Language I Can Use Under Pressure

Close

Reflection

  • In your Digital Binder (Lesson 3 → Your Notes): When someone has a strong response, I want to remember ___.

What to carry forward

  • Use your phrase the next time someone appears overwhelmed, withdrawn, or upset.
  • Find out the support and escalation process where you lead, before you need it.

Next module / pre-work

  • Session 3 preview: Identifying and Responding to Bias and Stereotypes + Cultural Responsiveness and Identity in Groups.
  • Complete both modules (Lessons 4 and 5).
  • Have the Bias and Unlearning Check and the Cultural Responsiveness Check available.
  • Bring both ‘Bring to Next Class’ items: one de-identified judgment or decision with the question you’d like a peer to ask you (Lesson 4), and one prompt, norm, or activity to review (Lesson 5).
  • Download a binder backup: leadingwithcare.vercel.app/backup

If learners remember only one sentence

You do not need the story in order to support the next safe, manageable step.

Facilitator Reflection After the Session

  • Did any of my activities create unnecessary public pressure?
  • Were the participation choices I offered actually meaningful?
  • Did I model observational language, or did I unintentionally label reactions?
  • Were expectations and limits clear?
  • Did I communicate the limits of the leader’s role without making support sound cold or procedural?
  • Who entered the activities easily? Who may have needed another route?
  • What is one thing I will change before Session 3?

Learner binder: leadingwithcare.vercel.app

← Session 1Session 3: Bias and Cultural Responsiveness →